this is the price you pay for loss of control

It's really difficult for me not to start blogs with the words "so." I seem to do it every single time for whatever reason. Anyway, it's been 2009 for three weeks now and it's actually starting to feel like things are finally changing a little bit, maybe. Nothing too drastic, so far, but that's okay by me.

I started my new classes for the quarter. I'm taking Communication Theory, Study of Women and Men in Society, Intro to Philosophy, and History of Western Art. The subjects are all fairly interesting; it's just taking me a while to get back into the idea of being at school all day twice a week. It still sucks quite a bit. (but God didn't wanna be, God didn't wanna be such an asshole.) Time for some Modest Mouse.

ANYway. Still looking for jobs, but it seems like maybe some places are finally hiring. I applied at Super Target the other week and I'm turning in a Kohl's application tomorrow. I've applied at a ton of places in Moreno Valley already, but I'll probably just have to head out a little further and find some more because I really need a damn job. Badly. Having money to put away every so often would be nice though, that's for sure. I obviously don't want to live with my parents forever, thankful as I am for all that they're doing for me. I'd like to retain a little of my sanity, please. :)

Winter break (Ashley's mostly) has been a lot of fun. Having friends come back from school makes for a lot of sweet hangs. I saw Danny a few times and I've been staying at Ashley's every so often. We went to Disneyland with Jason yesterday and that was a lot of fun of course. I <3 Disney so much, they were sort of constantly making fun of me for geeking out all day. All in good fun though.

First kiss of 2009 counts as another new thing I suppose, unexpected and strange as it was. Not that I'm complaining. I figure I already overanalyzed it enough after it happened, so I'm just gonna stop trying to figure out what it meant (probably nothing) and not worry so much. If it happens again so be it, and if not, that's okay too. I just don't want things to be awkward because I have few enough friends to see from time to time as it is.

As for today, I'm sitting in the library at school again because my first two classes got canceled so now I have free time until one PM. I've got my first quiz in Gender Studies to take in a few, and my first Art test on Tuesday. I think my books finally arrived this week too, so I can catch up on Philosophy stuff. I'll have to remember to take that quiz tomorrow as well. Wish me luck.

Happy 2009. Happy new President this week (side note: How cool is it that the first election I got to vote in ended up being quite literally a truly memorable historical event? Right on). Happy Thursday. Have a great weekend, a great month, a great year, and may anything else that comes your way be just as great as all of the above. :)

so this is the new year

and I don't feel any different.

I'm watching Saved! in my room right now and I know everyone says it every year, but New Years feels kinda the same way birthdays do. You know that time has passed, but nothing really feels any different. You've got a new age, a new year to write down, but that kinda seems like the biggest difference. Time is weird. Age is weird. I went to the grocery store with my mom last night and there was this old lady there shopping for herself with one of those automated/electric wheelchair things with a shopping cart attached. She went through each aisle really slowly and was there just as long or longer than we were, even though she was shopping for much less. It made me kind of sad. I almost wanted to help her out but I would have felt awkward or worried that she might think I was taking pity on her or something, which I guess I kind of was.

It's just a strange concept. I've been alive for nineteen years and almost a month. I know I'm not old or anything, but I feel that way sometimes. Especially at shows lately, especially if I'm there alone. Most of what I listen to is pop punk so I guess that usually reaches out more to younger kids anyway so it makes sense that I would feel relatively old at shows but it's still weird to me. Then again, whenever I'm around new people, I always think they're older than me. Always.

You know what else is weird/kinda sucks? Only slightly related, but I'm not a fan of how much easier it is before you graduate high school to meet new people. You see the same people in the same classes every day of the week and it's just easier to fall into that routine and you totally end up taking it for granted. I've never been good at making friends on my own and it's even harder now. Kinda sucks.

Aaaaaaanyway. This is not a fun post. Thus I'm done with it.

"Scooter? Mary.. this is a vespa."