"burning out his fuse up there alone"

Just a few days ago, on June 2nd to be exact, my Uncle Russ was taken off of life support and left this world to be in a better place. Last Monday he suffered from an aortic aneurysm which caused a stroke and led to his death. He was in the hospital for a few days but complications from both of those events just put too much pressure on his brain and his body couldn't handle it. Words cannot begin to describe how much he will be missed and what a terrible loss this is for my family, because he was the most incredible man. I've learned more about him in the past week than I had ever really known, and it makes me sad to know how many people are going to miss out on knowing him.

He was a really hard-working person, even when he was a kid. Once he set his mind to something, he wouldn't give up on it until he got it done. He was always really proud of his work and loved to be productive.

He was a really funny person, always laughing and trying to make others laugh too. Literally every picture that I've seen of him in the past week shows him with a huge grin on his face. He was always smiling and laughing and that's exactly how I'm going to remember him. He was incredibly kind, and always first in line to help other people out. My mom and his brothers have both said this week that he would give you the shirt off his back even if he couldn't afford to do so. Whenever anyone in our family was in need of a helping hand, he was always the first person there. He was insanely generous.

He was a wonderful father. He had three daughters whom he would have done anything in the world for, and basically did. He and his youngest daughter were very close, as he was with a lot of people. One of his friends from work spoke at his funeral today and said something about Russ having more best friends than anyone he knew, and that most of them were in his family. He was constantly giving and never asked for anything in return. He lived to make other people happy.

Next month my family is going to scatter his ashes near Lake Havasu in Arizona because his favorite place to be was out on the water in his boat with the people he loved most. I miss him so much already. I've even been considering memorial tattoo ideas, though I don't know when I'll have the money to get one. We'll see.

day seventeen - they said we burn so bright

People are killing themselves over Michael Jackson's death. For someone to be that disillusioned about how important a complete stranger is to their own life just baffles me. I will openly admit that I read and enjoy celebrity gossip, but I have no problem realizing that I'll probably never meet any of these people and I don't have some glimmering hope of being friends with any of them. I can't even imagine being so strongly attached to someone I've never met, to the point that their death would effect me THAT strongly. People are strange.

Today I watched Baby Mama and it made me realize, once again, that I want to be a mother. Oddly enough, the first thing that made me realize this (I was previously uninterested in being a mother before, or unsure about it) was the final book in the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn. Don't ask. Anyway, I used to be deathly afraid of the a) childbirth and b) raising a child. It's such a crazy responsibility, bringing up another human being. I talked about it with Matt one of the last times we hung out and it literally terrifies me to think of the possibility of shaping another human being's personality. I guess the fear of being a bad parent is probably common anyway, but I don't think I could forgive myself if I turned out to be a bad mother. I really really want to be a mom someday. It seems strange to me that I only figured that out recently, especially when I was almost opposed to it before now. I guess it's good to know where you stand.

Our days were numbered by nights on too many rooftops,
They said we're wasting our lives,
but oh, at least we know that if we die, we lived with passion.
They said we burn so bright, we'd burn this city.