so this is the new year

Prepare yourself for yet another introspective end-of-the-year blog, as I'm sure everyone you know that blogs has already written one.

Generally speaking, I feel the same way about New Years as I do about birthdays. It's fun to celebrate and make an occasion out of, but I never really feel any differently from one day to the next. I don't think anyone does, because change doesn't really work that way. Of course some things do change rapidly and over night, but when it comes to personal growth and the kind of change you're looking for at the end of the year, it doesn't. That kind of change takes time.

This year, for example, I feel like I've changed A LOT. Much more than I have in past years. A lot of people that were in my life at the beginning of the year aren't anymore. In most cases, I think that was an improvement, even if it left my Friday nights a little lonelier. Some of the people I lost, I'll probably never speak to again. I still miss my Uncle Russ every single day. It's been almost seven months since my family said goodbye to one of the best people I've ever known.

Others I miss more for the social aspect of having someone to do things with more than I actually miss them as people, mainly because they were never very good friends. Some of them I miss every day because they were very good friends for a very long time, but that kind of loss isn't permanent and the new year is potentially the perfect time to reconcile.

Beyond losing friends and family, many other things have changed for me this year. I met and fell in love with someone twice my age, something I never would have expected to happen. We've been together for five months now and I couldn't be happier about it. It's a little stressful being in a relationship that very few people approve of, but luckily, I don't need anyone else's approval to be sure of how I feel about him.

I started working at Taco Bell this year, for my first job ever. Having an income is nice but mostly it just assured me more than ever that fast food is not something I want to make a career out of.

I turned twenty one this year. This hasn't proven to be a hugely life-changing event, but it's something.

My life isn't everything I want it to be right now, but there are a lot of things about that I love. Well, maybe not a lot, but a few. Enough for me to be happy. There are a lot of things I want to change too, and maybe those will be my "resolutions," though I never really worry much about this. I don't think anyone needs the excuse of a new year to want to make changes or goals for their life.

Gandhi once said, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world," but I think it applies to personal change too. Whether it's changing something about yourself or something in your life, you have to make it happen. You can't wait around for things to work out. You have to make things work the way you want them to. In fact, I think THAT will be my resolution this year if I have to have one.

Instead of sitting around and waiting for shit to happen to me, I'm going to make my life the way I want it to be. I'm not going to use the excuse of waiting. If I don't change things for myself, I'll own up to that, but I have goals and ideas and things I want to do with my life and I will work on them. I will work on me.