take what you want from me, i can't think anymore

This sounds a lot like something I would think or say, but I feel like I'd never be able to write it as eloquently as this. I wish I could write like this. It's not even that complex or anything, but this is the kind of writing I tend to love, the kind that makes you want to read more because it sounds like something you could relate to perfectly. It's not the kind of writing that goes over your head in the first few sentences, and I like that. I feel like I constantly write about the same things and it's all too casual and boring and repetitive. I think I need inspiration. Having things to do and places to go and people to see would probably help immensely. I think I'm going to look around for a job this weekend. It's been a while since I actually went out and physically looked and I'm really hoping I'll be able to at least pick up something seasonal.

All I know is I need a change.

it's a beautiful thing when you love somebody

It's been an interesting weekend. I spent the last few days house-sitting/dog-watching for one of my mom's bookkeeping clients, so basically I got paid to hang out in their house and let the dogs out every few hours to pee. Not a bad deal at all. The dogs I was watching were slightly neurotic and I didn't get a lot of sleep while I was there, but it was a decent weekend nonetheless. Plus, when I got home tonight, my mom was finally home from Arizona too, so that was like an added bonus. She's been helping her mom out after a recent car accident and heart surgery, but it's been weird having her away from home so much.

I'm too tired to focus on writing anything interesting or intelligible right now. In other news, though I'm not generally one to make Album of the Year lists or anything of the sort, if I were to make one, Aim and Ignite by fun. would definitely be high up on it. As would Brand New's Daisy. Oh, and The Dangerous Summer and Relient K's new albums as well. Other than those, I honestly don't remember what else came out this year, which is why I never make these lists.

I keep telling myself I'm going to write more and then whenever I open up a new post, my mind blanks entirely on what to write. I need to take a writing class so bad. I'm absolutely going to look into that next quarter. I also really want to take some introductory music classes. I'm glad that Music Appreciation has turned out to be helpful in some basic music theory as well, because I really want to keep up with my guitar-playing and learn a lot more too. I'd love to take some kind of piano class, either at CPP or maybe the local community college. There are too many amazing musical instruments that I'd love to learn but I think I'll stick with guitar and piano first. :)

in your eyes, i am complete.

It's been quite some time since I last blogged, or it feels like it has. I think it's only been a few weeks, but I feel like a lot has happened in that time. I can't actually write about all of it because a lot of it is personal information that should not be shared on the internet, so I think I'm going to start writing in my actual journal again. It's been much longer since I updated that than it has since I blogged, and I've always enjoyed physical writing just as much as I have typing.

If nothing else, I can tell anyone reading what I've been up to lately. I stayed at Ashley's house for almost a week and did lots of fun summer things. She had some family visiting so we all went to the beach one day and had a nice little barbecue dinner at her Grandma's house another. She and her cousins and uncle and sister went to Disneyland one day and I spent a lot of time trying to find people to hang out with while she was gone. I helped my mom out at her work, visited my friend Alan at his band's practice space and had TGIFriday's with Jason. Eventually I had to come back home, which wasn't as bad as I had been worried about. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I re-painted my bathroom recently and we also bought some new fixtures for it like a new mirror, a new cabinet for over the toilet, new lighting, and some smaller things like a towel bar and toilet paper holder. It looks really nice now, almost like a bathroom in a catalog. I'll have to take some updated photos now that it's practically finished.

Right now I'm listening to a mix cd my dad made in 2000, when I was ten years old. It's very nostalgic because it's full of songs that I can remember listening to with him all the time. This is literally the music I grew up on, at least until I started listening to pop instead. Luckily that phase only lasted a few years until I got into 90s alternative bands and more rock. This mix has a lot of really great songs on it though. I left a few out, but this is what I kept in my iTunes:

I would strongly recommend checking out any and all of these songs if you've never heard them. I hope anyone reading is having a great summer and enjoying whatever weather you have. I'm sure I'd trade you in a second. (Sorry the picture came out so blurry.)

yeah, i know i'm not good enough for you.

I keep losing track of time. I never know what day it is anymore. I used to be really good about that, one of those people that you would always ask the day or time if you needed to know it. Granted that was probably back in middle school or earlier, but I'm not sure what changed since then. I stopped wearing a watch and got a cell phone. Time is easy. I feel like it's been forever since I've written anything legitimately interesting, if I ever have. I read other peoples blogs and wonder if I'm cut out for writing at all.

I haven't written anything journalistic since the end of senior year, other than my first attempt at a show review for the Poly Post. I'm pretty sure at some point, if I continue with this major, I'll learn more about how to actually write and get a chance to really practice and get better at it, but it's always been frustrating to me to know that I've never really been able to do that before. At Beckman it was more like, "Hey, you can write about music? Cool, we haven't really had anyone do that." The only editors we had for the Entertainment section were either Austin Barnes, who was so cocky that he didn't even feel like he needed to stoop to actually editing or criticizing people, or Yasmin, who, like me, was a first time Journalism student and was too nice to do what Austin wouldn't. Thus, I never really felt like I was getting better or worse at it. Caitlin (the editor in chief) and Mrs. Ng both seemed to like a lot of my articles, so I figured I had something going for me at least.

I think one of the only things I like about my blogs is that I never know what I'm going to write about when I open the page. It always turns into some kind of (usually boring or pointless) rant, but I never plan it out really. I might have an idea that I want to bring up, but that's about as far as it gets. I don't even know if anybody reads this but that's okay by me. I guess it's more about getting the practice at writing the way I want to sound than getting readers or anything else.

The weather has been back and forth lately. We've gotten a lot of rainy days, which I love and dislike at the same time, but it seems to be nice out so far today. I heard birds chirping and the sun is shining through my bedroom window. Maybe I'll finally make a trip back to that little park I came across if I can find it again. Maybe not. I have a tendency to say I want to do things and make vague plans to do them someday and then I never get around to doing them. I constantly put them off until later and never do the things I want to do. It's sort of terrible.

I'm considering writing a letter to someone who used to be a small but important part of my life. I'm not sure if it's a good idea at all because I know I'll be tempted to say things that I probably shouldn't, but I feel like it might be something I need to do anyway. I wrote down the address just in case but maybe I'll get a draft out at least just to see how I feel about it.

End. :)

this could be the last day that i hold my breath and stay awake for you

I've yet to begin writing my review of the Valencia/Bayside show that I went to on Wednesday. I emailed the editor in chief of the Poly Post and he agreed to go over my article once I sent it in and now I'm actually scared to write again. How ironic.

It's been so long since I wrote anything of substance though. I'm worried it's going to be horrible. It'll be nice to actually get feedback for once but I'm also nervous as hell about what that feedback will consist of. I was talking to my mom today and she said something like, "the thing about writing is that you have to just keep doing it, no matter what it's about." And I haven't been doing that at all. I mean, sure, I've written a handful of blogs and show blurbs to keep my list up to date, but I haven't written an article since before I graduated! I'm just a little nervous to get back in the habit I guess.

The show was really great though. Valencia is always wonderful. I got a really sweet poster and George gave me a free sticker. He also proceeded to introduce himself even though I've met him at least three times before that hahah. That's okay though, I don't expect them to remember me. Anyway, I guess their record label sent all the CDs to Pomona, NY instead of Pomona, CA so their $5 CDs were not available at the Glasshouse. :( I'm very strongly considering going down to San Diego tomorrow night to see them again. After the day I've had, I think it would be well-deserved and a high point to the weekend.

Other than that all I've been up to is school really. I gave my first speech in COM204. I thought I bombed it because I got so horribly nervous but I actually did well. The punk-looking kid with a Justin Scott-esque voice gave me a nice evaluation and suggested not fidgeting so much with my hands haha. I also had my first Statistics exam on Thursday. I think I finished before anyone else so I left much earlier than I usually do. That was nice. I hope I didn't do too horribly on that either. I think I may have gotten a B, which would be perfectly fine by me.

My TO DO list for tomorrow also consists of doing laundry, heading to the mall to scope out job opportunities, washing out the rest of the kitchen cabinets, and hopefully maybe hearing back from Mr. Kuhse? Since I'm gonna be in San Diego anyway I'd like very much to see him. It's been two whole years since Bamboozle Left. That makes me sad. I really wish I had someone to go to shows with still. :/ I don't mind going alone or anything but it's a lot more fun when you have someone with you.

Mini rant - I hate MoVal. I hate that I moved here and left everything I'm familiar with behind. I hate that the one person I want to be around more than anything is seven hours away and I can't do shit about it. I hate that nothing seems doable because I don't have an income. I hate that my parents seem to want to control every aspect of my life as long as they possibly can. I hate being stuck at home with nothing to do. :( I miss having a life so much.

Done with that. :) Glad I got it out. Now I'm off to sleep I think. Have a good one.

trying to write.

i need some inspiration. i never know what to write anymore but i figure the only way to get better at writing is to keep doing it. i never really got feedback from journalism but i always liked writing anyway.

i wish i could write like so many people i know. and don't know. i wish i could write blogs like todd, or like georgia joe, or like heychris gutierrez. they all can write in such a way that keeps you reading, it keeps you captivated and you don't wanna stop reading until you've read every word they've ever written. their words make me think, they make me want to change the way i think in general and the way i live. i wish i could write like that, in a way that could inspire people, or in the very least, a way that could make them think, even just for the few minutes they were logged onto my journal until they moved onto the next website.

i want to write blogs that people really enjoy reading, and that they look forward to seeing something new on. whenever i sit down to write an update lately, i don't know what to write. i haven't been up to anything other than sitting around the house and watching tv. i've been watching a lot of great movies lately though, like today is the third time i've watched almost famous this summer. i watched forgest gump again today as well and i saw jarhead yesterday. i know there have been others but those are the freshest in my memory. watching almost famous again is what made me want to try writing again actually. this movie is so great. it pretty much embodies exactly what i want to do with my life. how wonderful would it be to go on tour with a band and live the entire lifestyle just to write an article about them? i think that would be such a great experience.

the other day my dad sent me an email about local clubs and venues and suggested i send them a few of the articles i wrote last year and ask if they were interested in reviews. i'm thinking that might not be a bad idea. first i've gotta get back into writing. i should've written about the jesse lacey show. i could write paaages about that one. i'm still considering that idea as well.

anyway, i just wanted to see how difficult or easy it'd be to write down more than a few lines about anything cause it's been increasingly hard to do lately. i'd say the main cause is the fact that i haven't been really living lately. at least not when i'm at home. i never do anything so maybe that's why i feel like i never have anything to write about. i should work on that.