yeah, i know i'm not good enough for you.

I keep losing track of time. I never know what day it is anymore. I used to be really good about that, one of those people that you would always ask the day or time if you needed to know it. Granted that was probably back in middle school or earlier, but I'm not sure what changed since then. I stopped wearing a watch and got a cell phone. Time is easy. I feel like it's been forever since I've written anything legitimately interesting, if I ever have. I read other peoples blogs and wonder if I'm cut out for writing at all.

I haven't written anything journalistic since the end of senior year, other than my first attempt at a show review for the Poly Post. I'm pretty sure at some point, if I continue with this major, I'll learn more about how to actually write and get a chance to really practice and get better at it, but it's always been frustrating to me to know that I've never really been able to do that before. At Beckman it was more like, "Hey, you can write about music? Cool, we haven't really had anyone do that." The only editors we had for the Entertainment section were either Austin Barnes, who was so cocky that he didn't even feel like he needed to stoop to actually editing or criticizing people, or Yasmin, who, like me, was a first time Journalism student and was too nice to do what Austin wouldn't. Thus, I never really felt like I was getting better or worse at it. Caitlin (the editor in chief) and Mrs. Ng both seemed to like a lot of my articles, so I figured I had something going for me at least.

I think one of the only things I like about my blogs is that I never know what I'm going to write about when I open the page. It always turns into some kind of (usually boring or pointless) rant, but I never plan it out really. I might have an idea that I want to bring up, but that's about as far as it gets. I don't even know if anybody reads this but that's okay by me. I guess it's more about getting the practice at writing the way I want to sound than getting readers or anything else.

The weather has been back and forth lately. We've gotten a lot of rainy days, which I love and dislike at the same time, but it seems to be nice out so far today. I heard birds chirping and the sun is shining through my bedroom window. Maybe I'll finally make a trip back to that little park I came across if I can find it again. Maybe not. I have a tendency to say I want to do things and make vague plans to do them someday and then I never get around to doing them. I constantly put them off until later and never do the things I want to do. It's sort of terrible.

I'm considering writing a letter to someone who used to be a small but important part of my life. I'm not sure if it's a good idea at all because I know I'll be tempted to say things that I probably shouldn't, but I feel like it might be something I need to do anyway. I wrote down the address just in case but maybe I'll get a draft out at least just to see how I feel about it.

End. :)

our side-stepping has come to be a brilliant dance

The playlist I made last Friday in the midst of my hating life/the world/everything mood is so so good. I'm quite proud of it. I'm also just now realizing that when I was excited yesterday because my shuffle was playing all these wonderful songs that I would never ever skip, it's because I was still listening to the playlist. LOL.

My weekend was sort of back and forth between shitty and mediocre. Friday was pretty awful. I had an argument with my mom, after which she left the house for a while and I sat in my room and cried. I've realized that I'm actually quite good at waiting until people leave before I really show emotion, though I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. After that, I just went out and drove around the city. I still don't know it very well so I was basically just driving aimlessly, mostly up in the nicer residential areas. I came across a nice little park where I started making the playlist and just sat in the grass for a while as the sun went down. I even stopped at a few stores and shops around my house to ask about applying, but as I've been saying for months now, it appears no one is hiring. Disappointing.

Saturday morning my parents and I got pictures taken at the Olan Mills studio in Kmart. We've never done group photos and my mom has been wanting to for a long time, so we finally did. We should be able to pick them up in a week or two. After that we had breakfast at this little Mexican restaurant, the Cactus Cantina. It was pretty good, though I was totally hoping for legit breakfast food at the time. Saturday night I decided to head over to Chain and catch Alan's show with We Are the Arsenal, Run Doris Run, the Summer Set and two other Arizona boy band pop rock bands. (Summary of that over here) It was mostly tolerable, though the whole feeling-old-at-shows thing is a bit disappointing. I talked to Peter Moe, WATA's guitarist, and he's super cute and very nice. :) Yay. Haha. I also brought them cookies, but my mom said they didn't turn out very well so I'll have to bring better ones next time to make up for it.

Sunday and Monday were highly uneventful, but now I'm at school waiting for my Women's Studies professor to make our midterm/quiz thing available online and then I'm supposed to hang out with Leslee at some point too. Later this week I'm going to a Christian hardcore show. :D And next Monday I wanna go see Jesse Shannon play another coffee shop show. Should be awesome. Also, I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to see Valencia this month, two nights in a row no less. I have quite a few potentially rad shows lined up, so I'm very anxious for those all to come.

I think that's about it for now. Have a nice weeeeeek.