How did I let this happen? Why did I let my life become this way?

just a reminder

"Today I discovered that happiness is not something we find, it's something we create. This is my first step toward recovery."


I love Post Secret, and I think Frank Warren is a genius.

Today, remember to be happy.

take what you want from me, i can't think anymore

This sounds a lot like something I would think or say, but I feel like I'd never be able to write it as eloquently as this. I wish I could write like this. It's not even that complex or anything, but this is the kind of writing I tend to love, the kind that makes you want to read more because it sounds like something you could relate to perfectly. It's not the kind of writing that goes over your head in the first few sentences, and I like that. I feel like I constantly write about the same things and it's all too casual and boring and repetitive. I think I need inspiration. Having things to do and places to go and people to see would probably help immensely. I think I'm going to look around for a job this weekend. It's been a while since I actually went out and physically looked and I'm really hoping I'll be able to at least pick up something seasonal.

All I know is I need a change.

the days will pass you by, don't wait

Songs for today: "Wake Up" by The Arcade Fire and "Don't Wait" by Dashboard Confessional. I'm working on playing both of these within the last few days and I can't stop listening to either of them. The music for both of them is just incredibly emotional and somewhat uplifting I think.

I wish I could just play music all the time. My fingers are finally starting to grow little baby calluses, which excites me greatly. I want to learn so much more. I wish I'd started early.

I have a lot of Shakespeare reading to do today and I've found that reading it out loud helps me stay focused and understand it a lot more easily. Also important to note: the weather outside is perfect for sitting inside and reading as well as listening to music. I'll be playing a lot more Dashboard for the rest of the evening. Fall is finally here. :)

it's a beautiful thing when you love somebody

It's been an interesting weekend. I spent the last few days house-sitting/dog-watching for one of my mom's bookkeeping clients, so basically I got paid to hang out in their house and let the dogs out every few hours to pee. Not a bad deal at all. The dogs I was watching were slightly neurotic and I didn't get a lot of sleep while I was there, but it was a decent weekend nonetheless. Plus, when I got home tonight, my mom was finally home from Arizona too, so that was like an added bonus. She's been helping her mom out after a recent car accident and heart surgery, but it's been weird having her away from home so much.

I'm too tired to focus on writing anything interesting or intelligible right now. In other news, though I'm not generally one to make Album of the Year lists or anything of the sort, if I were to make one, Aim and Ignite by fun. would definitely be high up on it. As would Brand New's Daisy. Oh, and The Dangerous Summer and Relient K's new albums as well. Other than those, I honestly don't remember what else came out this year, which is why I never make these lists.

I keep telling myself I'm going to write more and then whenever I open up a new post, my mind blanks entirely on what to write. I need to take a writing class so bad. I'm absolutely going to look into that next quarter. I also really want to take some introductory music classes. I'm glad that Music Appreciation has turned out to be helpful in some basic music theory as well, because I really want to keep up with my guitar-playing and learn a lot more too. I'd love to take some kind of piano class, either at CPP or maybe the local community college. There are too many amazing musical instruments that I'd love to learn but I think I'll stick with guitar and piano first. :)

i just need someone to love

It feels so weird to be in this house again, and especially to be in it alone. It feels so empty, so wrong. Every turn I take leads me into a different memory of you and I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to handle it without breaking down constantly. But I haven't yet. I guess that's something to be proud of.