where were you while we were getting high?

I love the holidays. It's almost impossible not to be in a good mood during the holidays. At least, that's how I feel about them this year. I always get really nostalgic at the end of the year and very reminiscent. I start thinking about everything I've been through in the past year, and the ones before it, and I really get to looking forward to the chance to start over. Last year I must have listened to "A Long December" a thousand times before New Years because I was so ready for 2007 to be over. 2008 has been just as crazy, but maybe not to the point that I'm desperate for it to end hah. I know people say it all the time but it really feels like this year went by faster than any other. So many things happened in my life this year hah. I feel like if I had to pinpoint a single year that brought about the most change in my life, this one might have been it.

High school ended. College began. I had my first legitimate, long-term relationship, as weird as the circumstances of it were. I was in love for the first time, and then suddenly out of it. Fuck, I broke someone's heart this year. That was new. Not something I'm proud of, but it was definitely different. I was always used to going to a different school from Ashley, but this year she moved seven hours away for school. The idea of her being so far away and me moving away from everyone I saw every day at school was terrifying, and for good reason. Being alone almost all the time kinda sucks. Eventually, I got used to it of course, but it's still not my favorite thing.

I turned nineteen this year. Not a very big deal of a birthday, but it's weird not feeling like I can call myself a kid anymore. I feel old most places I go, even though I know I'm not. At Chain last night I imagined myself in fifteen years or whenever I end up having a family and wondering if I'd still be going to shows with my own kids and how much they'd hate me for it hahah. I can't imagine myself ever not being in love with live music.

Anyway. It's the holidays and I'm feeling good, despite how much my life is lacking as of late. (Hello alliteration.) It would be nice to have someone around for the holidays and it would be lovely to have some friends to see more often, but we do the best with what we've got, right? That's the best I can do right now. Hopefully the new year will bring about new things and new changes within me. Happy holidays everyone. :-)

you owe me the best gift i will ever ask for

So dang, it's been a while. Almost a month since I last posted. I never feel like I have anything interesting to write about. Or type about. Although I recently finished out my old journal (contains my life from 05 - 08, good lord) and started up a new one. I already wrote a few pages in there, but that's because I've learned quite a bit of interesting information in the past week or so. I don't think I really feel like getting into that right now though, so we'll move on.

I have almost five hours to kill before my next final starts up. COM 101 was pretty easy, I was kind of expecting that. It only took me twenty minutes for the fifty multiple choice questions. I wish it hadn't started at 7:30 though. Sleeping in on my birthday would've been nice. I woke up at 5am today and froze my ass off the whole way to school and my first final. Then of course it was super warm in there and I was roasting alive hah. I'm glad it was a short test though, anything longer might have put me to sleep. I wanted to check my COM 204 grade too but Professor Mills wasn't even in her office yet. Too early I guess. So then I walked down to the bookstore and bought a bluebook for my CLS 101 final on Thursday. Luckily for me I get to sleep in that day; the final doesn't start until 11:30. :-)

Other life updates - my family is falling apart? I'm not sure if that's really news or not haha. And I'm not sure what the status on any of that is anymore. It's kind of always the same routine of pretending everything's okay until something happens that proves it's really not. And then no one speaks for a week until we all start pretending again. It's a little silly but I guess that's just how we operate in my house.

Other than that, the quarter is almost over. After Thursday, I have a little less than a month off for winter break. I think I'm looking forward to the Salton Sea daytrip more than Christmas or New Years combined. Hahah. I really really want to hang out with Jacob. I'm excited. Plus the Salton Sea is incredible and if we get to the right spot at the right time, it will be a perfect day. No joke. It is so beautiful out there at sunset. Ahh, can't wait. :-)

As for birthday plans, I think my parents are taking me to Outback Steakhouse tonight and Bryan wants to take me out on Thursday. I'm trying to find people to hang out with between my last final and when he gets off work but I'm not having a lot of success in that area. And then hopefully on Friday or this weekend sometime, I think my mom and I might go get massages and/or see a movie at the $2 theater down the street. So it might not be the best/most memorable birthday ever, but it shouldn't be too bad.

I got rudely interrupted by the fire alarm while writing this earlier. Everyone had to leave the library for a good twenty minutes until they figured out that there was no fire (so far as I could tell) and then they let us back inside. And it's freaking cold outside. The high for the day is like 67 hahah. Good news though: there is now a super cute Scott Speedman lookalike sitting down one person away from me. :D And Jonezetta is great.

I don't know what else to write about anymore unless I start complaining about budget cuts and registering for classes so I think I'll quit while I'm ahead and leave it at this. Have a nice December ninth. :-)