Four days in and I'm already out of things to write.
How about some upcoming events?
Tuesday June 23rd - Takota's return to Chain + the Audition.
Friday June 26th - Warped Tour with Jason
Saturday June 27th - Andrew's birthday!
Friday July 10th - Ace Enders, Person L, the Dangerous Summer and the Gay Blades all at Chain with a parking lot barbecue before the show.
Saturday July 18th - Brand New at the Troubadour. :D :D :D
Hopefully shortly after that last one Ashley will finally be coming home. I miss her to death. And hopefully by then I will have a job and hopefully I'll be able to get time off and drive her back to San Francisco with her sister and her mom and get to see her apartment and maybe if I have money then we can go exploring and do lots of fun things. :) I'd very much enjoy that.
Since I still haven't been to the mall this week, due to both my laziness and my fear of rejection, I decided to print out the directory of every store at the mall complete with phone numbers and a map. I circled priority stores (I tend to be picky, which is a problem) and I've got 24 to start with, after which I'll start calling the rest. There are plenty of places to try outside of the mall but I'd like to see if I can't find something there. I also still need to call back the stores at Ontario Mills but I'd rather work close to home. That's a more reasonable thing to be picky about than the job itself I think.
I always write about the same things.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
day three
Another day almost entirely wasted. Spent the more exciting parts putting together outfits on Polyvore.com, and I've made six sets so far.
I've had this tab open for almost an hour and I keep distracting myself reading about Kristen Stewart hahah. I joined this fan community for her on Livejournal and anytime Paparazzi photos of her show up, they get posted online as well as interviews and stuff. It's all mildly entertaining and whatnot, considering I've developed a fat girl crush on her. I think she's gorgeous, though I can admit she's not the best actress. I think her awkward persona tends to come through in everything she does, but maybe that's what's sort of endearing about her. I don't know, I just like her.
Completely unrelated, but I wanted to type out something from a book I've had since I was in elementary school. It's called Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse and it used to be one of my favorite books, though it's a bit depressing. Learning about the Dust Bowl in my US History class made me think of it, and there has always been one chapter that stood out in my memory. It's called "The Accident."
I got
burned
bad.
Daddy
put a pail of kerosene
next to the stove
and Ma,
fixing breakfast,
thinking the pail was
filled with water,
lifted it,
to make Daddy's coffee,
poured it,
but instead of making coffee,
Ma made a rope of fire.
It rose up from the stove
to the pail
and the kerosene burst into flames.
Ma ran across the kitchen,
out the porch door,
screaming for Dadd.
I tore after her,
then,
thinking of the burning pail,
left behind in the bone-dry kitchen,
I flew back and grabbed it,
throwing it out the door.
I didn't know.
I didn't know Ma was coming back.
The flaming oil
splashed onto her apron,
and Ma,
suddenly Ma,
was a column of fire.
I pushed her to the ground,
desperate to save her,
desperate to save the baby, I
tried,
beating out the flames with my hands.
I did the best I could.
But it was no good.
Ma
got
burned
bad.
July 1934
Sorry to drag it all out like that, but it's written that way. Apparently that's what you call a verse novel, where the whole thing is told through poetry instead of prose. I kinda wanna read the book again now after remembering that part of it. I remember that the mother dies in childbirth, and the younger brother shortly afterward. I remember that the father ends up drinking a lot and the main character, the girl, Billie Jo (they had wanted a boy the first time around as well), plays piano until the accident happens, because her hands get burned and she can't play anymore. That's all I remember though.
I have a habit of re-reading old books when I have the time to read, instead of finding new ones. I'd like to read a lot more but I never feel like I have the time. At least not during the school year. Summer should be good for that though. I want to start re-reading From the Corner of His Eye when I turn off my laptop tonight, because Michael reminded me how much I used to enjoy that book. Dean Koontz tends to write the same kind of story in every book but I've always loved this one.
Staying up late to read seems like a much more worthwhile way to spend the night.
I've had this tab open for almost an hour and I keep distracting myself reading about Kristen Stewart hahah. I joined this fan community for her on Livejournal and anytime Paparazzi photos of her show up, they get posted online as well as interviews and stuff. It's all mildly entertaining and whatnot, considering I've developed a fat girl crush on her. I think she's gorgeous, though I can admit she's not the best actress. I think her awkward persona tends to come through in everything she does, but maybe that's what's sort of endearing about her. I don't know, I just like her.
Completely unrelated, but I wanted to type out something from a book I've had since I was in elementary school. It's called Out of the Dust by Karen Hesse and it used to be one of my favorite books, though it's a bit depressing. Learning about the Dust Bowl in my US History class made me think of it, and there has always been one chapter that stood out in my memory. It's called "The Accident."
I got
burned
bad.
Daddy
put a pail of kerosene
next to the stove
and Ma,
fixing breakfast,
thinking the pail was
filled with water,
lifted it,
to make Daddy's coffee,
poured it,
but instead of making coffee,
Ma made a rope of fire.
It rose up from the stove
to the pail
and the kerosene burst into flames.
Ma ran across the kitchen,
out the porch door,
screaming for Dadd.
I tore after her,
then,
thinking of the burning pail,
left behind in the bone-dry kitchen,
I flew back and grabbed it,
throwing it out the door.
I didn't know.
I didn't know Ma was coming back.
The flaming oil
splashed onto her apron,
and Ma,
suddenly Ma,
was a column of fire.
I pushed her to the ground,
desperate to save her,
desperate to save the baby, I
tried,
beating out the flames with my hands.
I did the best I could.
But it was no good.
Ma
got
burned
bad.
July 1934
Sorry to drag it all out like that, but it's written that way. Apparently that's what you call a verse novel, where the whole thing is told through poetry instead of prose. I kinda wanna read the book again now after remembering that part of it. I remember that the mother dies in childbirth, and the younger brother shortly afterward. I remember that the father ends up drinking a lot and the main character, the girl, Billie Jo (they had wanted a boy the first time around as well), plays piano until the accident happens, because her hands get burned and she can't play anymore. That's all I remember though.
I have a habit of re-reading old books when I have the time to read, instead of finding new ones. I'd like to read a lot more but I never feel like I have the time. At least not during the school year. Summer should be good for that though. I want to start re-reading From the Corner of His Eye when I turn off my laptop tonight, because Michael reminded me how much I used to enjoy that book. Dean Koontz tends to write the same kind of story in every book but I've always loved this one.
Staying up late to read seems like a much more worthwhile way to spend the night.
Monday, June 15, 2009
day two
Summertime and the livin's easy? I only finished classes last Thursday and I'm already out of stuff to do. Definitely need to find a job ASAP. I think I'll head to the mall tomorrow and pick up a bunch of applications, fill 'em out in the food court and take them all back. Should probably also call the three places I applied at in the Ontario Mills mall last Friday as well.
I'm really hoping that with Summer classes canceled, I'll have a little more luck in my pursuit. Having no experience has been an issue so far but I dunno. It's hard to be optimistic but I just need something to get my foot in the door. Jason's friend Amanda said I could probably get a job at her work so I might take her up on that too.
Other things to look forward to: Takota's return to Chain, hopefully Warped with Jason, the Ace Enders barbecue party and show with the Gay Blades, Person L and the Dangerous Summer. I'd really really like to go see Fun, Limbeck and Hellogoodbye at Chain too but I dunno if I'll have money to buy tickets. I hate asking for extra money from my parents. (job job job)
I've yet to be productive today so I think I'll at least try to get some laundry done. Maybe go for a short bike ride. I need to do SOMETHING.
I'm really hoping that with Summer classes canceled, I'll have a little more luck in my pursuit. Having no experience has been an issue so far but I dunno. It's hard to be optimistic but I just need something to get my foot in the door. Jason's friend Amanda said I could probably get a job at her work so I might take her up on that too.
Other things to look forward to: Takota's return to Chain, hopefully Warped with Jason, the Ace Enders barbecue party and show with the Gay Blades, Person L and the Dangerous Summer. I'd really really like to go see Fun, Limbeck and Hellogoodbye at Chain too but I dunno if I'll have money to buy tickets. I hate asking for extra money from my parents. (job job job)
I've yet to be productive today so I think I'll at least try to get some laundry done. Maybe go for a short bike ride. I need to do SOMETHING.
365 day blog - day one
So I'm thinking I might have to steal the whole 365 days blog idea from everyone who's already done it before me, just to make myself write. Michael put the idea in my head again after reading his blog the other day. Maybe we'll call this day one.
It's summer now. I finished the quarter from hell, probably with really poor grades. Definitely not with grades I can be proud of, that's for sure. Summer quarter got canceled because of budget cuts so now I REALLY need to find a job, as if it wasn't stressed enough before. I really hate money.
I'm gonna be vain and annoying for two seconds and wish that I had myself a boy. A nice, respectable boy who doesn't mind an affectionate girl, because that's how I roll. The end.
I've been playing more guitar lately. I think, to me, that's either the most interesting or most important (or both) part of this entry.
It's summer now. I finished the quarter from hell, probably with really poor grades. Definitely not with grades I can be proud of, that's for sure. Summer quarter got canceled because of budget cuts so now I REALLY need to find a job, as if it wasn't stressed enough before. I really hate money.
I'm gonna be vain and annoying for two seconds and wish that I had myself a boy. A nice, respectable boy who doesn't mind an affectionate girl, because that's how I roll. The end.
I've been playing more guitar lately. I think, to me, that's either the most interesting or most important (or both) part of this entry.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
when i'm with you, there's no point in breathing
It's been a year since I said goodbye to you. I'm still sorry for the way everything turned out. I wish it had worked out differently. I wish it had started out differently, perhaps in the ways we both knew would've made everything easier. I'm still terrified that I may have ruined one of the best things I've ever had and possibly ever will. I'm worried I threw away my best chance at something people search for their entire lives, something that was given to me under difficult circumstances. Under circumstanced that I didn't have the means to change and still don't. I wish the circumstances had been different but I'm afraid that I'm missing out on what could've been. I don't know how it could have turned out any other way though. I know it's pointless to regret, but I do sometimes. Sometimes I wish none of it had happened. Sometimes I wish I had never explained what was going on and I wonder how things would be now had I not done so. Mostly I try not to think about what could have been because it hurts to think that I might have thrown away my one chance. I got lucky and it didn't work out and I'm afraid that'll be the only chance I get. I hope I'm wrong.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
life as we know it
I've been taking a massive trip down memory lane for the past few hours, mostly reading old blogs and whatnot, from eighth grade until now. It's just insanely weird to see how drastically things can change over the course of a few years. Some people meant the world to me then and now we don't even speak. I'm incredibly thankful for so much of what I've been through, and for having had friends to support me through it all. I'm thankful for all the ridiculous trials I've had and the fact that I've survived them. I know I haven't been through anything all that traumatic, but I always believed that you couldn't compare peoples' problems because everyone has their own scale for what's tough and trying.
To anyone who's ever listened to me and helped me out with anything, thank you. It's meant more to me than you'll ever know. Four people come to mind specifically, the four people I've been closest with. The four best friends I've had over the last six years or so.
Allyssa Zander. You were my best friend for such a long time. The first person I really felt close to and spent all my time with. All the silly notes we wrote in ninth grade (love you bunches and tons and apples and bananas) and sleepovers and going to my first show with you - I will always remember those. High school took us our separate ways and I'm sorry things turned out the way they did but I'll always remember you fondly for the good times.
Jessica Andre. You were the first person to save my life. You have literally meant more to me than almost anyone I've ever known. You had my back through so much shit, it's not even funny. After high school started to suck, I always had you to depend on and staying at your house every weekend never got old. I have never been able to stop missing you and the way things were. I hope life turns out the best that it can for you.
Vanessa Saade. I hate to think how much I took you for granted. I'm glad we still talk, but I'm more thankful for having been your friend than you will ever know. In a time when all the tough things were really the events that would shape me for the rest of my life, you were always there. You were always looking out for me and keeping me sane and happy. Thank you so much for being a better friend than I could have ever wished for.
Ashley Ryan. Holy hell, where do I even begin? I've known you since before the fourth grade and you have always been a good friend to me. Always. You are one of the most caring and compassionate people I have ever known and I feel more blessed to have had you in my life and called you a friend than I could ever describe. I don't even think of you as a friend anymore because you're so much more than that to me. You are my sister. My guardian angel. While I hate being away from you so much now and I miss spending all my time at your house and doing silly things with you, I'm also so happy for you and the way your life is going. You're headed for amazing things and I can't wait to see how it all turns out. I'm so proud of you and so thankful for everything you've ever done for me. I love you.
I'm incredibly thankful for everyone who has ever been a friend to me, but these four girls have changed my life. Friends are the most amazing and beautiful people, but best friends go beyond that. They are your family. They are your sisters, your angels. There's something spectacular about the bond between best friends.
I love and hate writing things like this because it gets me so emotional, but it also helps me put so much into perspective. Not that I didn't already know how I felt about all of these people, but looking back at how things were before anything bad or dramatic happened between any of us makes me that much more glad that we were ever friends in the first place, no matter how our friendships ended or whether or not we're still on good terms.
I guess that's what life is all about in a sense, though. No matter what sort of horrible things happen, you just have to focus on all the good things that you've been through and that you're going through and be thankful that you have people to share them with. That idea alone makes me want to try to be a more positive person and turn things around because I don't want to look back on this time in my life later and regret anything. The way it's going now makes me think I probably will and I want to change that. I need to.
Wish me luck.
To anyone who's ever listened to me and helped me out with anything, thank you. It's meant more to me than you'll ever know. Four people come to mind specifically, the four people I've been closest with. The four best friends I've had over the last six years or so.
Allyssa Zander. You were my best friend for such a long time. The first person I really felt close to and spent all my time with. All the silly notes we wrote in ninth grade (love you bunches and tons and apples and bananas) and sleepovers and going to my first show with you - I will always remember those. High school took us our separate ways and I'm sorry things turned out the way they did but I'll always remember you fondly for the good times.
Jessica Andre. You were the first person to save my life. You have literally meant more to me than almost anyone I've ever known. You had my back through so much shit, it's not even funny. After high school started to suck, I always had you to depend on and staying at your house every weekend never got old. I have never been able to stop missing you and the way things were. I hope life turns out the best that it can for you.
Vanessa Saade. I hate to think how much I took you for granted. I'm glad we still talk, but I'm more thankful for having been your friend than you will ever know. In a time when all the tough things were really the events that would shape me for the rest of my life, you were always there. You were always looking out for me and keeping me sane and happy. Thank you so much for being a better friend than I could have ever wished for.
Ashley Ryan. Holy hell, where do I even begin? I've known you since before the fourth grade and you have always been a good friend to me. Always. You are one of the most caring and compassionate people I have ever known and I feel more blessed to have had you in my life and called you a friend than I could ever describe. I don't even think of you as a friend anymore because you're so much more than that to me. You are my sister. My guardian angel. While I hate being away from you so much now and I miss spending all my time at your house and doing silly things with you, I'm also so happy for you and the way your life is going. You're headed for amazing things and I can't wait to see how it all turns out. I'm so proud of you and so thankful for everything you've ever done for me. I love you.
I'm incredibly thankful for everyone who has ever been a friend to me, but these four girls have changed my life. Friends are the most amazing and beautiful people, but best friends go beyond that. They are your family. They are your sisters, your angels. There's something spectacular about the bond between best friends.
I love and hate writing things like this because it gets me so emotional, but it also helps me put so much into perspective. Not that I didn't already know how I felt about all of these people, but looking back at how things were before anything bad or dramatic happened between any of us makes me that much more glad that we were ever friends in the first place, no matter how our friendships ended or whether or not we're still on good terms.
I guess that's what life is all about in a sense, though. No matter what sort of horrible things happen, you just have to focus on all the good things that you've been through and that you're going through and be thankful that you have people to share them with. That idea alone makes me want to try to be a more positive person and turn things around because I don't want to look back on this time in my life later and regret anything. The way it's going now makes me think I probably will and I want to change that. I need to.
Wish me luck.
Monday, February 23, 2009
yeah, i know i'm not good enough for you.
I keep losing track of time. I never know what day it is anymore. I used to be really good about that, one of those people that you would always ask the day or time if you needed to know it. Granted that was probably back in middle school or earlier, but I'm not sure what changed since then. I stopped wearing a watch and got a cell phone. Time is easy. I feel like it's been forever since I've written anything legitimately interesting, if I ever have. I read other peoples blogs and wonder if I'm cut out for writing at all.
I haven't written anything journalistic since the end of senior year, other than my first attempt at a show review for the Poly Post. I'm pretty sure at some point, if I continue with this major, I'll learn more about how to actually write and get a chance to really practice and get better at it, but it's always been frustrating to me to know that I've never really been able to do that before. At Beckman it was more like, "Hey, you can write about music? Cool, we haven't really had anyone do that." The only editors we had for the Entertainment section were either Austin Barnes, who was so cocky that he didn't even feel like he needed to stoop to actually editing or criticizing people, or Yasmin, who, like me, was a first time Journalism student and was too nice to do what Austin wouldn't. Thus, I never really felt like I was getting better or worse at it. Caitlin (the editor in chief) and Mrs. Ng both seemed to like a lot of my articles, so I figured I had something going for me at least.
I think one of the only things I like about my blogs is that I never know what I'm going to write about when I open the page. It always turns into some kind of (usually boring or pointless) rant, but I never plan it out really. I might have an idea that I want to bring up, but that's about as far as it gets. I don't even know if anybody reads this but that's okay by me. I guess it's more about getting the practice at writing the way I want to sound than getting readers or anything else.
The weather has been back and forth lately. We've gotten a lot of rainy days, which I love and dislike at the same time, but it seems to be nice out so far today. I heard birds chirping and the sun is shining through my bedroom window. Maybe I'll finally make a trip back to that little park I came across if I can find it again. Maybe not. I have a tendency to say I want to do things and make vague plans to do them someday and then I never get around to doing them. I constantly put them off until later and never do the things I want to do. It's sort of terrible.
I'm considering writing a letter to someone who used to be a small but important part of my life. I'm not sure if it's a good idea at all because I know I'll be tempted to say things that I probably shouldn't, but I feel like it might be something I need to do anyway. I wrote down the address just in case but maybe I'll get a draft out at least just to see how I feel about it.
End. :)
I haven't written anything journalistic since the end of senior year, other than my first attempt at a show review for the Poly Post. I'm pretty sure at some point, if I continue with this major, I'll learn more about how to actually write and get a chance to really practice and get better at it, but it's always been frustrating to me to know that I've never really been able to do that before. At Beckman it was more like, "Hey, you can write about music? Cool, we haven't really had anyone do that." The only editors we had for the Entertainment section were either Austin Barnes, who was so cocky that he didn't even feel like he needed to stoop to actually editing or criticizing people, or Yasmin, who, like me, was a first time Journalism student and was too nice to do what Austin wouldn't. Thus, I never really felt like I was getting better or worse at it. Caitlin (the editor in chief) and Mrs. Ng both seemed to like a lot of my articles, so I figured I had something going for me at least.
I think one of the only things I like about my blogs is that I never know what I'm going to write about when I open the page. It always turns into some kind of (usually boring or pointless) rant, but I never plan it out really. I might have an idea that I want to bring up, but that's about as far as it gets. I don't even know if anybody reads this but that's okay by me. I guess it's more about getting the practice at writing the way I want to sound than getting readers or anything else.
The weather has been back and forth lately. We've gotten a lot of rainy days, which I love and dislike at the same time, but it seems to be nice out so far today. I heard birds chirping and the sun is shining through my bedroom window. Maybe I'll finally make a trip back to that little park I came across if I can find it again. Maybe not. I have a tendency to say I want to do things and make vague plans to do them someday and then I never get around to doing them. I constantly put them off until later and never do the things I want to do. It's sort of terrible.
I'm considering writing a letter to someone who used to be a small but important part of my life. I'm not sure if it's a good idea at all because I know I'll be tempted to say things that I probably shouldn't, but I feel like it might be something I need to do anyway. I wrote down the address just in case but maybe I'll get a draft out at least just to see how I feel about it.
End. :)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
our side-stepping has come to be a brilliant dance
The playlist I made last Friday in the midst of my hating life/the world/everything mood is so so good. I'm quite proud of it. I'm also just now realizing that when I was excited yesterday because my shuffle was playing all these wonderful songs that I would never ever skip, it's because I was still listening to the playlist. LOL.
My weekend was sort of back and forth between shitty and mediocre. Friday was pretty awful. I had an argument with my mom, after which she left the house for a while and I sat in my room and cried. I've realized that I'm actually quite good at waiting until people leave before I really show emotion, though I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. After that, I just went out and drove around the city. I still don't know it very well so I was basically just driving aimlessly, mostly up in the nicer residential areas. I came across a nice little park where I started making the playlist and just sat in the grass for a while as the sun went down. I even stopped at a few stores and shops around my house to ask about applying, but as I've been saying for months now, it appears no one is hiring. Disappointing.
Saturday morning my parents and I got pictures taken at the Olan Mills studio in Kmart. We've never done group photos and my mom has been wanting to for a long time, so we finally did. We should be able to pick them up in a week or two. After that we had breakfast at this little Mexican restaurant, the Cactus Cantina. It was pretty good, though I was totally hoping for legit breakfast food at the time. Saturday night I decided to head over to Chain and catch Alan's show with We Are the Arsenal, Run Doris Run, the Summer Set and two other Arizona boy band pop rock bands. (Summary of that over here) It was mostly tolerable, though the whole feeling-old-at-shows thing is a bit disappointing. I talked to Peter Moe, WATA's guitarist, and he's super cute and very nice. :) Yay. Haha. I also brought them cookies, but my mom said they didn't turn out very well so I'll have to bring better ones next time to make up for it.
Sunday and Monday were highly uneventful, but now I'm at school waiting for my Women's Studies professor to make our midterm/quiz thing available online and then I'm supposed to hang out with Leslee at some point too. Later this week I'm going to a Christian hardcore show. :D And next Monday I wanna go see Jesse Shannon play another coffee shop show. Should be awesome. Also, I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to see Valencia this month, two nights in a row no less. I have quite a few potentially rad shows lined up, so I'm very anxious for those all to come.
I think that's about it for now. Have a nice weeeeeek.
My weekend was sort of back and forth between shitty and mediocre. Friday was pretty awful. I had an argument with my mom, after which she left the house for a while and I sat in my room and cried. I've realized that I'm actually quite good at waiting until people leave before I really show emotion, though I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. After that, I just went out and drove around the city. I still don't know it very well so I was basically just driving aimlessly, mostly up in the nicer residential areas. I came across a nice little park where I started making the playlist and just sat in the grass for a while as the sun went down. I even stopped at a few stores and shops around my house to ask about applying, but as I've been saying for months now, it appears no one is hiring. Disappointing.
Saturday morning my parents and I got pictures taken at the Olan Mills studio in Kmart. We've never done group photos and my mom has been wanting to for a long time, so we finally did. We should be able to pick them up in a week or two. After that we had breakfast at this little Mexican restaurant, the Cactus Cantina. It was pretty good, though I was totally hoping for legit breakfast food at the time. Saturday night I decided to head over to Chain and catch Alan's show with We Are the Arsenal, Run Doris Run, the Summer Set and two other Arizona boy band pop rock bands. (Summary of that over here) It was mostly tolerable, though the whole feeling-old-at-shows thing is a bit disappointing. I talked to Peter Moe, WATA's guitarist, and he's super cute and very nice. :) Yay. Haha. I also brought them cookies, but my mom said they didn't turn out very well so I'll have to bring better ones next time to make up for it.
Sunday and Monday were highly uneventful, but now I'm at school waiting for my Women's Studies professor to make our midterm/quiz thing available online and then I'm supposed to hang out with Leslee at some point too. Later this week I'm going to a Christian hardcore show. :D And next Monday I wanna go see Jesse Shannon play another coffee shop show. Should be awesome. Also, I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to see Valencia this month, two nights in a row no less. I have quite a few potentially rad shows lined up, so I'm very anxious for those all to come.
I think that's about it for now. Have a nice weeeeeek.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
this is the price you pay for loss of control
It's really difficult for me not to start blogs with the words "so." I seem to do it every single time for whatever reason. Anyway, it's been 2009 for three weeks now and it's actually starting to feel like things are finally changing a little bit, maybe. Nothing too drastic, so far, but that's okay by me.
I started my new classes for the quarter. I'm taking Communication Theory, Study of Women and Men in Society, Intro to Philosophy, and History of Western Art. The subjects are all fairly interesting; it's just taking me a while to get back into the idea of being at school all day twice a week. It still sucks quite a bit. (but God didn't wanna be, God didn't wanna be such an asshole.) Time for some Modest Mouse.
ANYway. Still looking for jobs, but it seems like maybe some places are finally hiring. I applied at Super Target the other week and I'm turning in a Kohl's application tomorrow. I've applied at a ton of places in Moreno Valley already, but I'll probably just have to head out a little further and find some more because I really need a damn job. Badly. Having money to put away every so often would be nice though, that's for sure. I obviously don't want to live with my parents forever, thankful as I am for all that they're doing for me. I'd like to retain a little of my sanity, please. :)
Winter break (Ashley's mostly) has been a lot of fun. Having friends come back from school makes for a lot of sweet hangs. I saw Danny a few times and I've been staying at Ashley's every so often. We went to Disneyland with Jason yesterday and that was a lot of fun of course. I <3 Disney so much, they were sort of constantly making fun of me for geeking out all day. All in good fun though.
First kiss of 2009 counts as another new thing I suppose, unexpected and strange as it was. Not that I'm complaining. I figure I already overanalyzed it enough after it happened, so I'm just gonna stop trying to figure out what it meant (probably nothing) and not worry so much. If it happens again so be it, and if not, that's okay too. I just don't want things to be awkward because I have few enough friends to see from time to time as it is.
As for today, I'm sitting in the library at school again because my first two classes got canceled so now I have free time until one PM. I've got my first quiz in Gender Studies to take in a few, and my first Art test on Tuesday. I think my books finally arrived this week too, so I can catch up on Philosophy stuff. I'll have to remember to take that quiz tomorrow as well. Wish me luck.
Happy 2009. Happy new President this week (side note: How cool is it that the first election I got to vote in ended up being quite literally a truly memorable historical event? Right on). Happy Thursday. Have a great weekend, a great month, a great year, and may anything else that comes your way be just as great as all of the above. :)
I started my new classes for the quarter. I'm taking Communication Theory, Study of Women and Men in Society, Intro to Philosophy, and History of Western Art. The subjects are all fairly interesting; it's just taking me a while to get back into the idea of being at school all day twice a week. It still sucks quite a bit. (but God didn't wanna be, God didn't wanna be such an asshole.) Time for some Modest Mouse.
ANYway. Still looking for jobs, but it seems like maybe some places are finally hiring. I applied at Super Target the other week and I'm turning in a Kohl's application tomorrow. I've applied at a ton of places in Moreno Valley already, but I'll probably just have to head out a little further and find some more because I really need a damn job. Badly. Having money to put away every so often would be nice though, that's for sure. I obviously don't want to live with my parents forever, thankful as I am for all that they're doing for me. I'd like to retain a little of my sanity, please. :)
Winter break (Ashley's mostly) has been a lot of fun. Having friends come back from school makes for a lot of sweet hangs. I saw Danny a few times and I've been staying at Ashley's every so often. We went to Disneyland with Jason yesterday and that was a lot of fun of course. I <3 Disney so much, they were sort of constantly making fun of me for geeking out all day. All in good fun though.
First kiss of 2009 counts as another new thing I suppose, unexpected and strange as it was. Not that I'm complaining. I figure I already overanalyzed it enough after it happened, so I'm just gonna stop trying to figure out what it meant (probably nothing) and not worry so much. If it happens again so be it, and if not, that's okay too. I just don't want things to be awkward because I have few enough friends to see from time to time as it is.
As for today, I'm sitting in the library at school again because my first two classes got canceled so now I have free time until one PM. I've got my first quiz in Gender Studies to take in a few, and my first Art test on Tuesday. I think my books finally arrived this week too, so I can catch up on Philosophy stuff. I'll have to remember to take that quiz tomorrow as well. Wish me luck.
Happy 2009. Happy new President this week (side note: How cool is it that the first election I got to vote in ended up being quite literally a truly memorable historical event? Right on). Happy Thursday. Have a great weekend, a great month, a great year, and may anything else that comes your way be just as great as all of the above. :)
Saturday, January 3, 2009
so this is the new year
and I don't feel any different.
I'm watching Saved! in my room right now and I know everyone says it every year, but New Years feels kinda the same way birthdays do. You know that time has passed, but nothing really feels any different. You've got a new age, a new year to write down, but that kinda seems like the biggest difference. Time is weird. Age is weird. I went to the grocery store with my mom last night and there was this old lady there shopping for herself with one of those automated/electric wheelchair things with a shopping cart attached. She went through each aisle really slowly and was there just as long or longer than we were, even though she was shopping for much less. It made me kind of sad. I almost wanted to help her out but I would have felt awkward or worried that she might think I was taking pity on her or something, which I guess I kind of was.
It's just a strange concept. I've been alive for nineteen years and almost a month. I know I'm not old or anything, but I feel that way sometimes. Especially at shows lately, especially if I'm there alone. Most of what I listen to is pop punk so I guess that usually reaches out more to younger kids anyway so it makes sense that I would feel relatively old at shows but it's still weird to me. Then again, whenever I'm around new people, I always think they're older than me. Always.
You know what else is weird/kinda sucks? Only slightly related, but I'm not a fan of how much easier it is before you graduate high school to meet new people. You see the same people in the same classes every day of the week and it's just easier to fall into that routine and you totally end up taking it for granted. I've never been good at making friends on my own and it's even harder now. Kinda sucks.
Aaaaaaanyway. This is not a fun post. Thus I'm done with it.
"Scooter? Mary.. this is a vespa."
I'm watching Saved! in my room right now and I know everyone says it every year, but New Years feels kinda the same way birthdays do. You know that time has passed, but nothing really feels any different. You've got a new age, a new year to write down, but that kinda seems like the biggest difference. Time is weird. Age is weird. I went to the grocery store with my mom last night and there was this old lady there shopping for herself with one of those automated/electric wheelchair things with a shopping cart attached. She went through each aisle really slowly and was there just as long or longer than we were, even though she was shopping for much less. It made me kind of sad. I almost wanted to help her out but I would have felt awkward or worried that she might think I was taking pity on her or something, which I guess I kind of was.
It's just a strange concept. I've been alive for nineteen years and almost a month. I know I'm not old or anything, but I feel that way sometimes. Especially at shows lately, especially if I'm there alone. Most of what I listen to is pop punk so I guess that usually reaches out more to younger kids anyway so it makes sense that I would feel relatively old at shows but it's still weird to me. Then again, whenever I'm around new people, I always think they're older than me. Always.
You know what else is weird/kinda sucks? Only slightly related, but I'm not a fan of how much easier it is before you graduate high school to meet new people. You see the same people in the same classes every day of the week and it's just easier to fall into that routine and you totally end up taking it for granted. I've never been good at making friends on my own and it's even harder now. Kinda sucks.
Aaaaaaanyway. This is not a fun post. Thus I'm done with it.
"Scooter? Mary.. this is a vespa."
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