love is just a hoax.

lalalala. Ashley moved to San Francisco this week. It's kind of weird knowing I can't just go back down to Tustin and drive to her house to see her anymore. I wish San Fran were closer hahah. Not only is it an incredible city, but I can tell she's already have a good time in just the first few days. I knew she would. :) I'm excited for her.

I've heard most of the new Valencia now, and it's lovely, of course. I knew it would be. They're so great. I can't wait to see them play the glass house. Takota's playing there again soon, and then so is Anberlin with Scary Kids Scaring Kids at some point. Going to shows alone is somewhat strange. I went to see Chris Conley and Matt Pryor at Chain on Tuesday night and it was my first real show alone, other than Vast Atlantic's stint at the District a while back. It wasn't so bad though, just a little awkward between sets. I figured I'd be doing that a lot this year, but I'm glad I've got a bunch of good first shows alone planned cause that makes it much better. :) haha.

Anyway. The last two days have been less-than-productive. I have a feeling the rest of my summer will be about the same. I gotta start working on getting a job again. I wish it were easier but it's proven to be incredibly difficult. I don't even know where to look here because I don't know where anything is. I walked around the mall one day but not a single store had hiring signs up so I'm thinking it's gonna stay difficult til about the end of summer, at which point I'll have to consider school and it would suck very much to have to accomodate to both school and a first job at the same time. Blah blah, whine whine whine. You get the point.

Something very specific and very important has been weighing heavy on my mind these past few weeks. I don't wanna talk about it in too much detail because a) it's very personal and b) it's not something anyone else can help me with. I have to work it out myself and as terrified as I am to do what I know I should do and what I think is right for me in the long run, I know it needs to be done. I'm fucking scared though. I don't want to hurt anyone and I'm afraid the other person involved is going to hate me. But the thing that needs to be changed really does need to. I don't think the way things are going right now are really right for me. There is far too much uncertainty involved and I don't think I want to handle dealing with that for the next four years of my life, just waiting to see if things work out how I'd like them to right now. I know I could handle it, I never lied about that. I just don't think it's right for me. But how do I tell him that? Afdsakfdsa.

I don't want to think about this anymore.

I would really like it if my parents came back this evening with my laptop in running condition. It's had problems forever and it was supposed to be my graduation present but they never fixed it. Stupid.

I want to visit Ashley. That would be a lot of fun. I want to make new friends but I'm worried that my schedule (only two days a week and not dorming) will make that more difficult. Not to mention the fact that I'm way too shy. Facebook is helping a little though, and I do have a month before I really get to see any of these people anyway. So I have time.

I wish I could finish putting my room together myself. I need to put my shelves up but I don't have the hardware/skills. I also want to put up the bookshelf that attaches to my desk but it needs to be touched up with some white paint and I don't know how it attaches anyway. My parents are gone almost all day every day during the week for work and there's not a whole lot I can do around the house so since we've moved, our progress has come to a dead stop pretty much. It would be nice to finally start unpacking my books and stuff though and have more space in my room.

This is becoming a random rant. Maybe I'll think of something more coherent and important to discuss tomorrow.