oh my god, i've lost control now.

I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life right now. Not a clue.

This week it kinda feels like everything's falling apart. /Livejournal. But really. I pretty much shattered Justin's heart but some days he seems okay. I pissed Ashley off this week and when we sort of discussed the issue she basically told me I'm a shitty friend and not trustworthy, which is always nice to hear. For a minute there it was looking like I was out of the two people I care about most and that would've left me with very few people to really talk to about anything. Now I'm not sure what's going on or what to expect next. I don't even know if Ashley wants to be friends with me and I wasn't planning on trying to talk to her unless she came to me first but the waiting around and the uncertainty are kind of eating away at me. I'm worried that I fucked up immensely but I honestly never meant to piss her off. I want her to trust me and feel like she can tell me what's going on because I know she's got a lot to deal with right now. It hurts to know she doesn't trust me with a lot of stuff but I don't know how to prove to her that she can when I already know she thinks she can't. Apparently she feels like she's the only one trying to keep us in touch which I really don't understand. I hate that all of this is going on. I'm so used to us never or rarely fighting that when it does happen I have no idea how to react to it. I would really hate to lose her as a friend but I don't know what to do next. We've been friends for what? Twelve years now? It just seems silly to throw that away.

I really don't know. I am so sick of summer. What a waste.