day eleven - on distance

It's been about a year since we moved from Orange County to Moreno Valley and the only friend who has been to my "new" house so far is Ashley, on the few occasions when I drove her here.

I could just be being paranoid because I happen to be extra emotional right now, but I've felt for some time like I fucked up by not being closer with more people while I still lived in Tustin. That's not to say that my friendship with Ashley isn't fulfilling enough or anything like that, but the fact of the matter is that she lives in San Francisco for the better part of the year now and the only other friend I still see regularly is Jason, whom I really don't hang out with all that often. I rarely see my friends from high school, even the ones who still live forty five minutes away. Hell, I rarely see Leslee and I go to the same school as her.

It's really starting to bother me that no one has bothered to drive the forty five minutes it would take to hang out with me, when every time I've been invited to hang out with anyone since I've moved, I've traveled that distance. Literally any friendly outing I've been to in the last year, any game night or party or even any shows I've gone to, I've driven at least 45 miles for. I drive that far for school, too. I've spent countless hours in my car since moving. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy driving, I really do. But the fact that it's always me doing the driving is really starting to irk me. It kind of depresses me to be honest. But then, when I start to think about it, it's understandable, too. I didn't stay close enough with any of my friends for them to want to hang out regularly. I'm not inseparable from anyone anymore, because all the separations were made long ago.

If there was some kind of mathematical equation to be applied to this situation, I feel like 45 miles multiplied by the number of nights I've gone that distance both ways multiplied by the year that's passed since we moved would be a ridiculously high number.